Faith as Paradox

No, Yes, No, Yes

By Yosef Y. Jacobson

This week's Torah portion, Balak, tells the fascinating story of Balaam, a prophet, who was summoned by the Moabite king to curse Israel. In the end, in lieu of curses, the prophet gushes forth the most splendid poetry ever written about the uniqueness and destiny of the Jewish people. His poetry has become classic, a wellspring of inspiration for thousands of years, recited daily in Jewish liturgy and prayers.
Yet there is something profoundly confusing about the narrative.
The Bible relates how the emissaries arrive from Moab and Midian. They state their mission: They want Balaam to curse the Israelites. Balaam tells them to stay the night, while he consults with G-d.
G-d's answer is unequivocal: “G-d said to Balaam, ‘Do not go with them. You must not put a curse on those people, because they are blessed.’”
Balaam obeys. He refuses to go. Balak, the Moabite king, redoubles his efforts. Perhaps more distinguished messengers and the promise of significant reward will persuade Balaam to change his mind. He sends a second set of emissaries. Balaam's reply is moving: "Even if Balak gave me his palace filled with silver and gold, I could not do anything great or small to go beyond the command of the Lord my G-d." However, he adds a fateful rider: "Now stay here tonight as the others did, and I will find out what else G-d will tell me."
The implication is clear. Balaam is suggesting that G-d may change His mind. But this is impossible. That is not what G-d does. Yet to our surprise, that is exactly what G-d seems to do:
“That night G-d came to Balaam and said, "Since these men have come to summon you, go with them, but do only what I tell you."
Balaam followed G-d’s latest instruction. He got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. “But G-d was very angry when he went, and the angel of G-d stood in the road to oppose him.”
The narrative now shifts to the famous scene of Balaam's donkey. The donkey senses the presence of an angel obstructing its voyage and refuses to continue. Balaam the prophet does not. He beats his donkey. “Then G-d opened the donkey's mouth, and it said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?"


Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now."


The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?" "No," he said.


“Then G-d opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of G-d standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown.”

Balaam asks the angel if he should return home. The response now is, no! You must go. “Just speak the words I will speak to you.”
Balaam continues on his journey with the princes of Balak.
What is going on here? First G-d says no, than it becomes yes, then it is no again, and finally it s a yes! Why did G-d change His mind four times?! And what was Balaam suppose to do? Not go, when G-d told him explicitly to go?
The entire narrative seems like an unfair set up for Balaam. G-d tells him to go, and then gets angry at him for following instructions!
The commentators offer various ways of resolving the apparent contradictions between G-d's first, second, third and fourth reply. One subtle explanation, articulated in the works of Chassidic spirituality, I wish to share with you today.
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G-d wanted Balaam to go. He wanted the curses of Balaam to be transformed into blessings. It's always nice to receive a compliment from a friend or a loved one. But praise that we truly savor is praise that comes from an adversary. When a rival at work, a business competitor or an outright enemy says something like, "I must say, you guys have something there!" -- that's the kind of vindication we relish most of all.

This is true in our inner psychological life as well. The greatest and deepest blessings are those born from channeling and transforming our tension and challenges. When we have the courage to stare our psychological and emotional pain in the eyes, and confront it, we can then turn it into a catalyst for profound growth. The deepest growth in life is born from such a process.

But how do you create this transformation in your life? For Balaam to do this – and for all of us to do this -- he needed to become a vessel, one that would reflect the vantage point of G-d. In our lives too, in order to transform our emotional challenges into blessings, we need to open ourselves up and become vessels for the Divine perspective on life.

But we are often stuck in our own shells. Our egos – or insecurities -- are too powerful. We -- just like Balaam -- think we know the truth. We believe we know what G-d wants.

Only when Balaam realized that he was absolutely ignorant, and that he did not grasp the divine perspective, was he humbled in to becoming a vessel. The confusion and shame he experienced in the process allowed him to hear the voice of G-d telling him to go and bless. He needed to hear “no” in order to be able to hear “yes.” Balaam needed to realize that he could not hold on to his ego before he could be open to G-d’s word.

Faith, the Torah is teaching us, should not to be confused with simplicity and blind obedience. The path of faith is often fraught with profound questions, dilemmas, and confusions. When we are not ready, we hear G-d saying no. When we are ready, we hear G-d saying yes. And sometimes, it is in the confusion created from paradox, that we become ready to hear what we need to hear.
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